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Giving the best to get the best
Thursday, July 06, 2006
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I am not a expert on the subject of relationships between men and women. I've technically never had a successful relationship. I've been in a relationship for 14 years but the majority of those 14 years have been hell.

I went into my relationship hungry and looking to be fed. I suspect we all go into relationships this way, our hunger either sexual, emotional or both. I met a man I thought was wonderful. I thought he was wonderful because he fed my hunger; and he thought I was wonderful because I fed his; but eventually we stopped feeding each other delicacies from the gourmet store and started feeding each other dime snacks from the convenience store. And before long even the dime snacks were too good. We stopped feeding each other altogether, preferring to let each other starve to death.

I have no qualified opinion on why so many relationships travel along this path from nothing is too good for my baby and I'll go to the end of the earth to please my baby to thinking our mate does not deserve our time and energy and at times even wishing our mate dead. But based on my own experiences and my observations of other people in relationships, I would guess that it is because at some point in their relationships people just stop trying to give the best of themselves. They get over the excitement and ease into the state of mind of one who thinks that one has conquered therefore one no longer needs to be on one's guard and conduct one's self in such a manner as to ensure that one holds on to one's conquest.

And with both people in this frame of mind, no effort is going into relationship maintenance because certain rights are assumed by both parties, each has expectations of the other and a sense of entitlement. You're mine now so I no longer have to do the things I was doing when I was trying to catch you.

The problem is, it's the things we do when we're trying to impress someone we desire for a romantic partner that makes them react to us in the first place; so when we stop doing these things after we catch them, they stop being impressed. Reality: if you're not giving the best of yourself in a relationship, you're not likely to receive the best from your partner. Understandably it can be hard to strive to impress someone every day for the life of a relationship, particularly when the relationship lasts many years; but there are things we do every day of our lives for the betterment of ourselves. Adding to our daily tasks the task of doing something for our partner might cost us a little extra time out of our day, but if it makes the difference between having a relationship that adds pleasure to life over having a relationship that adds pain, is it not worth the effort?

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