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Picking a mate based on sexual philosophy
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
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If you're going to be in a romantic relationship you should expect that sex is going to be an important aspect of the relationship. Before you get involved with another person, you should make sure that you both have the same attitude and expectations about sex, or that the other person's attitude and expectations about sex are at least reconcilable with your own.

Sex often destroys the very relationships that were founded on the force of sexual attraction to begin; but it isn't necessarily because the attraction dies. Only in hell, if you believe in the existence of hell, do the flames of fire burn eternally. After a time the sexual chemistry between two people changes, like water freezing to ice. It takes on a different state of reality, but it is still what it is, just used differently.

What happens in relationships that fall apart after the chemistry of desire shifts, is that you often find two people with completely different sexual philosophies being one another's sex partner.

In a situation where you have two people with extreme attitudes about sex, it is unlikely that a relationship can work. A man who loves sex excessively and needs to "do it" first thing in the morning and last thing at night every day of his life, should not expect a girl with little interest in sex to be happy and eager to accommodate him. And such a girl having little interest in sex should not expect such a man who needs sex several times a day to suffer himself because of her disinclination.

Ideally the role that sex plays in a relationship is not so significant to put the relationship at risk for reasons to do with sex; but this is not an ideal world; and in reality, the role that sex plays in a relationship is significant enough to put the relationship at risk if the sexual aspect is not working. In fact, sex is the main culprit of failing relationships, with frustrated men cheating on their frustrated women, usually because the men feel they are not getting enough sex, while the women feel that too much sex is being craved by their man in the first place.

Certainly there are women with raging libidos who might make better matches for men with raging libidos; and men who only need sex occasionally who might make better matches for women who only need sex occasionally.

It might be wise in choosing a mate to know something about their sexual philosophy and how well or how poorly their attitudes about sex match yours.

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